Ask Shikamaru
by Kumori Sora Kururugi
Summary: Anime characters decide that today is the day that they will bother Shikamaru, aptly named Bug Shikamaru Day. The master-mind behind it all is Kumori Kururugi, a demon from the fuedal era with a wild imagination. Please R&R!


This isn't like other 'Ask' fanfics, mostly because it's not the readers who are asking the questions. So don't ask. -smile-

It's other anime characters who are asking the questions, trying to bother Shikamaru, for it is Bug Shikamaru Day. And no matter how much Shino wants to change that, he's not getting his way.

**_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, INUYASHA, FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, FRUITS BASKET, OR ANY OTHER ANIME OR MANGA MENTIONED IN THIS FIC. I DO HOWEVER OWN KUMORI AND HIRO KURURUGI, AS THEY ARE MY OC'S. DUN TAKE THEM. That is all._**

"Erm, what are you doing?"

"Working on a fanfic."

"You know you're not gonna finish it, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"So why are you writing?"

"I'm bored, now butt out."

Kagome backed out of the room where I was yet again working on another fan fiction. I had decided to do one of those 'Ask' fanfics.

Today, other anime characters decided to ask Shikamaru Nara for some answers...to some...awkward questions...

First, I would like to say that the first two questions asked in this fanfic are not mine; I got them from my friend. Nyuu-sama, you rock!

* * *

It was just like any other day in Konoha. The birds were singing, training was going on in the Forest of Death, and Naruto was goofing up again.

Shikamaru was lazing about atop a grassy hill, staring at the clouds, as usual. He was wondering whether this fan fiction would be completed or left hanging like the earlier story Kumori had written. Kumori, who was somewhere far away in Kazegakure, decided Shika would be eaten by a pack of ferocious wolves later on.

But not right now.

Today was the day that everyone in the village decided to bug Shikamaru, appropriately named 'Bug Shikamaru Day'. Shino had opted to change the name of the day to 'Bother Shikamaru Day', but that one just didn't catch on.

Sakura was the first to bother today, and had decided to ask Shika a question that would make him flustered, so that he couldn't speak. Or something along those lines.

"Shikamaru?" Sakura asked, standing right over the lazy shinobi, blocking his cloud view. Shika looked at her.

"What?"

"Where do babies come from?"

Shikamaru just looked at her, unfazed.

"Well, if you squeeze a mango hard enough, something like a tiny marble with pop out. If you feed that marble salty table scraps, it will eventually morph into a baby." He stated plainly.

"....." Sakura ran back into town to tell everyone what Shikamaru had said.

****

"What?!?" Ino shouted. "Unfazed? How?!?"

Choji rolled his eyes. "You should know Shikamaru better than that." Ino glared.

"Whatever."

Kakashi raised his hand. "Um, I have an idea."

Everyone looked at him. "What!?!?"

He jumped back, surprised. "Um, why don't we just ask him questions nobody know the answers to, or questions with complicated answers?"

Tsunade threw her head back in an evil laugh. "GENIUS!" Her maniacal laughter echoed off every building in the village, throwing sound waves that threw other animes off balance.

*Somewhere in the Feudal Era*

Back in the Feudal Era, Kagome swaggered a little as a small earthquake hit. When it stopped, she sighed and whispered under her breath, "Kumori..."

*Back in Konoha*

Shikamaru was still watching the clouds when Ino came up. "Shikamaru?"

"Whhaaat?" Shika sighed.

"How did the universe begin?"

"Well," Shikamaru started, "it began with nothing. Then I kicked that nothing in the face and said, "get a job". And that, my friend, is how the universe began."

Ino just looked at him."..........."

****

Tsunade sighed. "So that didn't work, huh?

"Nope," Ino said, hanging her head.

Everyone was quiet for a while. But then....

"I have an idea!"

All the ninja turned their heads to see three people on the horizon. It was Kumori's sister, Hiro Kururugi, the Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric, and Kyo Sohma.

Hiro looked around triumphantly. "I have a question and even Shikamaru can't answer it!"

They all gasped.

****

"Oh Shikamaruuuuuuuuu!" Hiro yelled, running up to the sleeping chunin.

Shika opened his eyes. "Aww, whhaaaaat?"

"How cold is Pluto?'

Shikamaru just stared. "You wanna find out?"

"Yeah, yeah, how cold?!?!'

"Alright, then come with me."

Hiro looked confused for a second. "Where we goin'?"

"You'll see...."

*In the depths of space*

"Wheeeeee!"'

Hiro was floating around the icy planet. Shikamaru watched from Earth with a giant telescope.

*Back in Konoha*

Tsunade had assembled the whole village, plus the Akatsuki, to try to goof up Shikamaru.

Deidara raised his hand this time. "What if we take him by surprise?"

Kisame smacked him. "That's the most-," He thought for a second. "-awesome idea you've ever come up with!"

The demolitions expert grinned smugly.

Tsunade grinned also. "Alright, let's do this!"

Ed sighed. "At least it's not Winry...."

****

Shikamaru was sleeping again, being the lazy bastard that he is. He didn't even notice the small clay bird land in the tree a few yards away.

"Are you sure he'll feel the effects of the explosion way over here?" Edward asked, misjudging the distance.

Deidara sighed. "For the last time, YES! Un!"

Shika didn't even notice as Deidara made his hand sign. And still didn't notice when the tiny bird blew to smithereens.

As soon as the explosion hit, Deidara heard a sound. The sound of the traditional 'poof' of a destroyed shadow clone.

"Damnit!" Deidara shouted. "Ed! Get Tsunade!"

However, Ed was gone. All that was left of him was a note that said _Need Automail repairs. Later._

Deidara crumpled the note in his fist, then looked at his hand. It was gone.

"Oops..."

****

"If he's so persistent, why not just beat him up?" Kyo Sohma stated shrugging.

Ino sighed. "Because it's _Bug _Shikamaru Day, not _Beat Up_ Shikamaru Day."

"I still wanna change that!"

"Shut up Shino..."

Tsunade looked around her office. "Isn't there anyone in here who can outsmart a kid?"

"I'm afraid not." Sakura hung her head.

"Alright then. We'll carry out with Kyo's idea."

"What?!? But we might hurt him!" Ino gasped.

"Kumori wouldn't let that happen. Not since the prep in a can incident...."

Everyone in the room shuddered.

"That was scary..."

"What about Blow up Shikamaru Day?!?"

"OHMIGAWD SHUT UP SHINO!!"

****

Shikamaru was sleeping again, despite the recent attempts to disturb him, creep him out, and blow him up.

"So what now?" Sakura asked Kyo, who was standing in the bushes with her, Ino, and Kisame.

"On my signal, we go beat him up, okay?"

"Just go beat the crap out of him? Isn't that just mean?"

"Dude, your half shark..." O.o

"Whatever, just tell us when to go..."

"Ok, 3...."

"...2..."

"1..."

"GO!!!"

Kyo and all three of the ninja jumped out of the bushes, only to be met my Shikamaru's annoyed face. "Can't a guy get some sleep without being beaten up for some random reason that I will interrogate Kumori for later?"

Somewhere in modern day Tokyo, Kumori gulped.

"Well..."

"Whatever, I don't care anymore." He made a hand sign. "_Shadow Possession Justu!_"

All four of them were caught by Shikamaru's shadows.

"Wait, we didn't even do anything!" Ino defended.

"Well not yet at least..."

"Shut the hell up, Kisame!"

Shikamaru sighed. "Whatever, I don't really care. Just don't bother me again, okay?"

"Okay."

"Yes sir..."

"Grrr...Fine..."

"Aww, but Kyo said I could eat your arms!"

"Kisame...."

"Sorry Kyo..."

****

Kyo, Sakura, Ino, and Kisame were all back at the Hokage's office, which was now occupied by three new people. Inuyasha, Kagome, and Shippo had come over to complain about the tremors Tsunade had caused in the Feudal Era when she had decided to go all evilish and laugh manically. But, of course, they had been pulled into the plot to 'bother' Shikamaru.

Little did they know Kumori had dumped Shikamaru and was now stalking Miroku...This meant that even though Kumori was still writing this, she didn't care what happened to poor Shika-kun.

"So what now?" Kagome asked, waiting for her chance to try to bug him to death.

'I still wanna change that...' Shino was thinking.

STFU SHINO!

"OMG WHO SAID THAT"

"Who said what?" Everyone was looking at him.

"Umm...nothing..." He coughed then backed out of the room.

"Anyway..."

Sakura scowled out the window. "Damn it, we need a good strategy..."

"Why are we even doing this?"

"I dunno..."

"Wanna go get coffee?"

"Oooo, coffee sounds good..."

"Sweet..."

Everyone filed out of the room except for Kagome, Kyo, and the telescope he was using to stare at Hiro, who was still orbiting Pluto.

"So I didn't get to do anything?!?"

Tsunade, who I forgot to mention stayed in the room, nodded. "Yep. You were of no use. Just like you always are..."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?"

"Did you know Pluto isn't a planet anymore?"

Tsunade and Kagome looked at Kyo with confused looks.

"What?" They harmonized.

Kyo just stared at them. After a few seconds, he magically dismantled the telescope, put it in a tiny box, and said as he left the room, "I'm going to give this back to Shikamaru now."

He slammed the door behind him.

"So...." Kagome twiddled her thumbs.

"So..."

"What now?"

"Wanna get some guys and play poker?"

"Yeah, sure...."

****

At that same moment, Shippo had just had his very first sip of coffee. The world was about to get very scary in an instant.

Da End

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh my god...You actually finished..."

"Yeah, but now I have a sequel, AND a prequel to write..."

"I understand the sequel, with the Shippo and coffee thing," Kagome said. "But why a prequel?"

"Well, you know the part where everyone shuddered at the 'Prep in a Can' thing?"

"Yeah...That was scary...."

"Well, I gotta explain that to the readers..."

"Oh, okay...I'll leave you to that then..."

"WAIT!"

"What?" Kagome stopped at the doorway.

"Can you get me a bagel? It's three in the morning and I'm starving..." Kumori asked while her stomach agreed with a loud rumble.

"o.o"

"Pleeeeaaase??"

"Yeah...whatever...Just end the fanfic already...."

Kumori sighed. "Fine...BYE PEOPLES! Please review, and tell me if you liked it!"

"Now come on, let's get you that bagel!"

"Yayz!!"

-fades out-

****

A couple hours later...

"Umm, Kumori? Shika-kun? ANYBODY?!?"

Hiro was still floating in Pluto's tiny atmosphere.

Kumori was watching from Shikamaru's telescope, the lazy shinobi lying down by a tree not to far away.

She sighed as her mom called her cell phone.

"Yeah, Mom, I'll have her down in a second...Okay...okay...bye..."

"Damn it..."

Kumori used to fan fiction authoress powers to get Hiro down from Pluto. "Come on baka, Mom wants us home for dinner."

And the two half-demons walked home.

With the occasional insult or claw thrown around...but whatever.

The real 'Da End'.


End file.
